Upgrade plan
Cancel plan
Settings
Change Password
Contact Us
Can a parent unilaterally end an informal custody schedule with no court order in place?
19
7
Full conversation
I am currently separated from my husband, and I plan to initiate a divorce as soon as possible. Until today, we have been able to manage the custody schedule of our one child, and it has been civil, but this morning, after he had her for four days, he said that she is not going to stay with me (at my mother's house, a place she goes to nearly every day because my mother watches her while we work, and she and my mother are incredibly close) because his house, formerly our shared home, is her house, and that she is not going back and forth anymore, and that I can take him to court. I need to know what the law says in terms of both of our rights in reference to this situation. Today is my day with my daughter (and I should get at least two days based on our informal agreement), and he is asserting that he is going to pick her up after work, implying that he is intentionally taking my daughter on a day we had both previously agreed was mine. We have been switching back every two days for the last six to seven weeks (which is when I moved out due to ongoing aggressive behavior and an environment that I did not feel was suitable for myself or my daughter due to the conflict that he continuously initiates and escalates).
I understand how stressful and concerning this situation must be for you. Can you tell me if there is any formal custody agreement in place between you and your husband?
There is not.
Have there been any previous instances where your husband has not followed the agreed-upon custody schedule?
Not to date.
Is there anything else the Family Lawyer should know before I connect you? Rest assured they'll be able to help with your custody issue.
No.
My name is Jessica, and I am a licensed attorney that will be assisting you with your question. I understand you're dealing with a situation where your husband is not adhering to your informal custody agreement, and you're concerned about your rights regarding your daughter's custody. Have you considered any legal steps to address this situation?
I plan to initiate a divorce as soon as possible, but right now I am concerned because I am supposed to have my daughter tonight and the following night based on our agreement, but he said this morning (in front of our daughter, though she was asleep) that he is not going to continue sharing custody and that she is going to stay with him, and I can take him to court. So now I have the impending situation of him attempting to pick up my daughter at a non-designated time, infringing upon my rights as a mother, in my opinion. But I do not know how the law views this situation, so I need clarification about how to proceed because I am not going to tolerate putting my daughter in a volatile situation as a result of his unilateral decision.
You may keep your daughter and refuse to exchange until there is a set court order stating the terms of custody.
You both have equal rights to the children. The issue is enforcing those rights when there is no court order in place.
Okay, so if I calmly state via text message (so there is a written record) that, as her parent, I am exercising my right to shared custody (as I have extended to him and always will) and that I will not be allowing him to pick her up later, I am not sure about the best language to use because I do NOT want to escalate the situation, as he has already been displaying increased aggression the last few days.
It's important to communicate clearly and calmly. You might say something like: "I want to ensure we both have time with our daughter, as we've been doing. Today is my scheduled time with her, and I will be keeping her with me. Let's discuss a more formal arrangement soon to avoid any confusion. I appreciate your understanding." This way, you're asserting your rights without escalating the situation. Does that help?
Yes, that helps. Is there anything else regarding our separation that I need to know in terms of how being separated without any legal proceedings in place can impact divorce proceedings and outcomes, or how having left our marital home impacts my rights or gives my husband any legal leverage or advantages of which I might not be aware?
Based on your situation, there are several legal considerations in divorce proceedings that could potentially impact your case:
- Separation and Custody: Without a formal custody agreement, both parents generally have equal rights to the child. However, the court will consider the best interests of the child when making custody decisions, which includes the child's relationship with each parent and the stability of their living environment. Most states apply some version of a best interests of the child standard when deciding contested custody matters.
- Leaving the Marital Home: Leaving the marital home does not necessarily impact your rights to the property or custody. However, it could be perceived as abandoning the home, which might be considered in property division or custody arrangements. It's important to document the reasons for leaving, especially if it was due to an unsafe environment.
- Property Division: In many jurisdictions, marital property is divided equitably, not necessarily equally. The court will consider various factors, including each spouse's financial situation and contributions to the marriage. Equitable distribution principles and the factors courts weigh vary by state; see this general overview of marital property division for more detail.
And if he attempts to collect our daughter later anyway, would the best course of action just be to not be at the residence (my mother's) when he attempts to take her? But I mean, we also don't know that he won't come at a later time. Or should I call the police? I do not want there to be a negative or traumatic impact on my daughter; that is why I am considering this scenario ahead of time so I am prepared.
It's understandable to be concerned about how to handle this situation. Here are some steps you can consider:
- Stay Calm and Document Everything: Keep a record of all communications with your husband, especially any text messages or emails where you discuss custody arrangements. This documentation can be crucial if you need to take legal action later.
- Consider Not Being Present: If you believe your husband might come to your mother's house to pick up your daughter, you could consider not being there at the time he might arrive. This could prevent a direct confrontation.
- Contact Law Enforcement if Necessary: If your husband shows up and you feel threatened or believe he might take your daughter against your wishes, you can contact the police. Explain the situation calmly and provide any documentation you have about your informal custody agreement.
- Consider Mediation: If possible, suggest mediation to your husband as a way to come to a formal custody agreement without going to court. This can be a less adversarial process and might help in reaching a mutually agreeable solution.
Okay, thank you.
I hope I was able to help resolve your issue! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. Just a friendly reminder, don't hesitate to reach out whenever you need assistance!
Disclaimer
By messaging FreeLegalAdvice.com, you agree to our Terms and have read our Privacy Policy.
The information provided on AskaLawyer.com is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and timeliness of the information presented, we make no guarantees regarding its completeness or applicability to your specific circumstances.
Use of this website does not create an attorney-client relationship between you and FreeLegalAdvice.com or any of its attorneys. Communications through this website, including any responses from attorneys, are not privileged or confidential. For advice tailored to your individual situation, we recommend consulting a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction.
FreeLegalAdvice.com disclaims any liability for actions taken or not taken based on the content of this site. We are not responsible for any third-party content that may be accessed through this website. Reliance on any information provided herein is solely at your own risk.
